Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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