How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
