how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
