were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
