You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
