I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
