I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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