Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
