There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
