But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
