The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We had sex on a dog bed..
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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