walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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