When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize