Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
