My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
