So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
