I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
