i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize