we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
