Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
