i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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