Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
