Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
