i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
