I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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