The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
