i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize