Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I need a burrito and a hug.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So here I am, sexting at work.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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