the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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