Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
