sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
