is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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