just come out here and I will go home with you...
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
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