Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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