Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
