She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
