The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
