Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
