Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You dont lie about slip and slides
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
