So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
