Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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