The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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