can u get pink eye on your cock?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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