I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Found the puke drawer
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
