You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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