Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Non-Jews are for practice
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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