I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
