i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
