i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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