It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
either way he was missing a nipple.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
