I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I can tuck mytits in my pants
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
