FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Cover your peen. We're going out.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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