I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
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