I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
