Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
