Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
