Life is so much better after having sex.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
How does it feel to date your dad?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
