So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
