u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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