Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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