Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
