I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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